Christ and Autism: My Strange Road To Redemption

In my early years when I was first introduced to Christianity it was in a massive Church (the building and the body). In those doors I learnt of Adam and Eve, Noah, Jonah, Abraham, and Jesus. I knew it was important so I tried to learn all I could. I put up with the belittling jokes and jeers of my peers. The bullying the name calling. Just like school only the school kids were nicer. I did this to learn what I was told was the most important thing ever. The way I learn is to read and ask questions. I fact check and analyze and this is the most important thing EVER! I don't skimp. What I learned above all was that it seemed many people didn't know very much at all about this all important thing. The alienation, the questions, the misunderstanding of what is literal and what isn't lead me to atheism and addiction. I wanted to find answers and I wanted to stop feeling like an alien. This path solved neither but it made me numb. In this time I would take my first glimpses into understanding but only in brief fleeting flashes of clarity. In this dark time I read about Asperger's syndrome after I related to a character on television and felt like I may have found a clue to my weirdness. With Autism Speaks being the only game in town, however, I thought "that can't be me. I do want to have friends (well, not like all the time but when I'm lonely) and I do care if other people are upset or don't like me (though I could rarely tell when either of those were happening)" so I just put the thought to the side. I also heard my first coherent argument for Christianity while watching Bill Maher's "Religulous" of all things but I saved that one too. Years later I came to a worse place I had been outcast by the only friends I did make and the girl I was engaged to. My mask slipped off as it always does and they knew I was different. I became suicidal. After attempting suicide and taking a few steps forward and a few back I ended up in Pennsylvania across the country from my Florida home. It's here that God started knocking. I went to a therapist who in turn sent me to rehab. I got to choose which one I went to from a few pamphlets. I chose the one with a golf course and pool. When I arrived I found out the pool was filled in in the '70's yet still graces their pamphlet covers and the golf course is adjacent to, not part of, the facility. I say facility but what I mean is an old repurposed hotel, an administration building, a lecture hall, cafeteria, and an old repurposed Amish barn whose wooden rafters were bowed down about 2 feet in the center, creaked and dropped mortar which was now just sand. This is where God really knocked. As I learned the 12 steps I kept coming back to the idea of God being the most important thing again. Everyone said it but these people knew more about God than anyone in that megachurch. As I struggled with believing I remember reading a personal story in "The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous" and the writer said of himself "who are you to say there's no God?" I looked around, saw my  surroundings, and felt a feeling I had never felt. I read on in the story to find the writer described that same feeling and said it was God and he prayed. I kneeled in that dusty old wooden barn and did the same. I'd like to say I became an instant saint right then but no. Not even an instant theist. I did save that memory for later. After realizing even in my weirdness people had to listen to me at meetings and sometimes even WANTED to listen I went everyday after I left rehab. Still the partial believer. After several disagreements with my family I stayed with there with and several unfortunate events I took a bus back to Florida. Here I met my wife who lead me to God and then to Christ. I was not an instant Christian. I remembed "Religulous" and the fact there were arguments for Christianity. As I asked questions I found so many scholars whose books I devoured until the day I went to a small dusty church reminiscent of the old barn and gave my life to Christ. Realizing I was still different I remembered the Asperger's thing. At the same time my local Christian station started airing "The Brant Hansen Show" and as I heard him and recognized myself I knew I was autistic. I told my wife my suspicions but only after taking no less than 25 tests online which all said I definitely had Aspergers. She was hesitant at first to listen. I typically belittle myself and she was worried I was doing that again but no. I was ecstatic. I felt empowered. I finally felt like I belonged. I was terrified I was wrong, though. After another couple of years I told my wife I wanted to get tested by a professional. She found one and I was diagnosed with Aspergers which is now simply autism. After my diagnosis I immersed myself in autistic culture and learned all I could. I realized all of the things I have ever liked about myself as well as all of the things that make me "weird" are all autistic. God made me as I am for a purpose. All of the good and bad that I've experienced by being autistic have all been the very things that made me come to faith and build it on strong foundations. When I thank God for of all of the things that he has given me I thank him for my autism too. I thank him for making me unique enough or "weird" enough to make a difference. My prayer is that all "weird" people have the opportunity to see just how much God loves them and just how important they are. God loves weird people. Just look at who he chose to be disciples.